To put these stories in context, you might need to know a little bit about
my situation.  My name is Ken Hovanes, and I live in Heidelberg Germany with
my fiancee, Cheryl.  In 1994, Cheryl took a job in Germany, and I soon
followed.  We're both from the states, and jumped at the opportunity to live
in Europe for a while (before marriage and settling down.)

I would like to try to convey hints about traveling abroad in Europe, and
ideas on little known places (holes in the wall, if you may), not the
standard list of places/things to do in Froders Guide to Europe.  These are
real life experiences gleaned from learning the hard way.   Hopefully,
you'll learn a little about how to see some of the places I have been, and
what to avoid, and maybe laugh a little in the meantime.

Generally when traveling, I make it a point to try to have more than just a
few hours here, and few hours there.  A slower pace makes a vacation more
relaxed, and generally, for me, a better time.  I know this, you say.  Well,
the following trip was nowhere near that.  It was perhaps one of the most
intense/tiring trips I have ever taken.

While sitting at my desk working, the phone rang...

"Ken?", It was Cheryl, "Do we have any plans this weekend?"
Carefully, I formed my answer, "Ummm, I don't know, what's up?"
"Well," she replied, "I made reservations for us to take an express trip to
Poland!"
My heart stopped.  An express trip.

Express Trip: A trip, generally by bus, from one central point to another
location.  All to take place within the period of 30-40 hours (hence the
term 'express'.)  i.e.  Leaving Heidelberg Germany by bus at 6:30pm and
arriving in Poland  12-14 hours later, seeing the sights/shopping for about
3 hours, then hopping back on the bus to return.  So in a best case
scenario, you can ride for a total of 24 hours, then see the sights as you
whiz by, then quickly return.  I hate the idea of express trips.

Stammering, "Honey, I really love you, but..."
Interrupting, she said "The money's not refundable, and it cost about
$200.00 for the two of us."
Feeling like a mouse backed into a corner, I realized I was stuck.  There
was no escape.  "In that case, OK.  I'll go."
"Great!  I'll go tell Lisa (a friend of hers) you're going, and she doesn't
have to worry about the tickets.", click.

I couldn't believe it, I'd been suckered.  "Oh well, I guess I'd better make
the best of it."

The trip left on Friday, at 7:00pm, and arrived in Poland at 8:00am the next
morning.  Not too bad, but one hell of a long way for a few hours of
sightseeing/shopping.

As we boarded the bus, our travel guide, 'Jurgan', explained a few things...

1. If you're from the US or an EU (European Union) country, you do not need
   a Visa to enter Poland.  But if you are a citizen from any other country,
   you should have an entry visa.

2. Don't show off your money.

3. You must have your passport.

With this in mind, he asked if anyone on the bus wasn't a US citizen, or a
member of an EU country.  None on the bus responded.  All is fine...

The ride to Poland wasn't bad.  Then again, I took a sleeping pill and
snored the whole way.  Border arrival time: 6:20am.

The Germans didn't check our passports as we left Deutschland.
Unfortunately, the Polish border wasn't so simple.  They carefully examined
every passport, checked the names off  a list, and studies our faces.

Then the problems began.

Someone hadn't been listening, when 12 hours earlier, our guide asked if
there was anyone not a citizen of the US or EU on board.  One citizen of
Barbados, didn't understand the question.  (As we all know, Barbados is not
in the US, and certainly not in the EU.)  The penalty? We waited for 2 hours
until word came from the consulate to allow entry.  Talk about bureaucrats.

Thankful, we were on our way again, or so we thought.

Now, the bus wouldn't start, the lights wouldn't come on, and the door's
wouldn't close.  (side note: Poland in November is cold, VERY cold, about 25
degrees F.)  Luckily, we were on a slight hill, and they popped the clutch
and started it, like a small car.  We drove through Gorlitz with the door's
wide open.  (They were on another circuit.) Egads, was it chilly.

After driving for 15 minutes, being frozen, the driver found a place to
park.  With the bus parked, he and the guide began examining wiring
schematics, and manuals on engines.  Where are 'Click and Clack' when you
need them?

After waiting for another 1.5 hours, they decided to take us to a bus
garage.  Fortunately, we were able to clutch start again.  (Mind you, this
wasn't some little funky bus, it was a Mercedes, and it shouldn't break
down.)  We drove for 30 more minutes, (with the doors still open), and
finally found the repair shop. (More like a bus cemetery, if you ask me.)

Summary to this point: Got on the bus at 7:00pm Friday, now it's 11:00am
Saturday. We were at a bus funeral home.  Had we eaten? No.  Had we used the
bathroom?  No, not since the door's hydraulic system quit working (the
bathroom was powered by hydraulics?  Don't ask me, that's what the bus
driver said.)  Had we seen any of Poland? Well, did seeing 12 different
types of Polish buses count?

Finally, after Jurgan talked for 30 minutes with the Polish mechanic, he
came back inside and said, "I can't understand a word he is saying.  BUT, I
have arranged for a new bus from this garage.  We will return here when the
old bus has been repaired.  Since we have wasted so much time with the
broken bus, and the problem at the border, I would suggest we go to a Polish
pottery store, and then to the flea market."

Only two stops?  We were told there was a timetable to follow, and we had to
be back in Heidelberg by 1:30am Sunday.

Great.  We had been sitting for 16 hours.  And now we just get to shop.
Well, Cheryl was happy, and I was tired.  At least we were DOING something.
As a matter of fact, the new bus driver was nice, and the seats on the
Polish bus were very comfortable.

Our first official stop:  The Dana Pottery Shop.  I was amazed.  The pottery
was incredible.  I didn't know it, but Poland is famous in Europe for it's
pottery and wicker.  The craftsmanship was wonderful, the detail incredible,
and the prices amazing.  There were pieces of pottery for cooking apples,
cooking pastries, cooking pies, pottery for serving tea, and pottery for
covering cheese.  The patterns were very nice, with dark blues, and browns
being the primary colors.

After spending an incredible 30 minutes, Jurgan urged us to the bus for the
next leg of our trip.  We would be heading to the flea market.  To me, this
didn't seem very exciting, but what the heck, there was nothing I could do
to avoid it.

We turned the bus around and started to head back to town (the pottery shop
was about 12 miles out of town.)  After driving for about 6 miles, (in the
middle of nowhere mind you), There was a terrible noise from the rear of the
'new' Polish bus.  A harsh grating/twisting sound.  Then..., silence.  The
engine had self destructed.  Smoke was billowing from the rear of the bus,
and the passenger compartment smelled like burning rubber.

Our driver coasted to a stop, on the side of the road.  What had happened?
 Was there a serious problem?  Hopping out of his seat, he jogged to the
rear, to the engine compartment.  Should we sit on the bus?  Should we get
out?  Should we...

Our answer came quickly, as he threw the driver door open, and grabbed a
fire extinguisher.

Deja vu; no bus, no food, and snow.

We finally made it back, believe it or not.  Safely.  To our surprise, our
original bus had been repaired, and met up with us about 45 minutes later.
 Our trip ended around 2:00am on Sunday.  What an adventure.

TIPS:  When traveling in Poland

1.  Check for entry visa requirements.

2.  Rental cars generally cannot be taken into Eastern Europe.

3.  Take lots of money.

4.  Take major currencies (US and German), and make sure your bills are in
    good condition.  The vendors love hard currency, but demand good condition
    bills.  Counterfeiting is very common.
    
5.  Keep your receipts if you exchange any money.  You have to have that
    receipt to change money back.
    
6.  Take extra blankets if you intend to travel during winter months.
7.  Take folded boxes, or paper to wrap your purchases (breakage can happen
    easily)
    
8.  Bargain on the prices.

9.  Don't forget your passport.

10. Never leave any important documents in your car or on any bus you might
    be traveling on.
    
11. Hit the local markets in Gorlitz, and further into Poland to
    Boleslawiec.

All in all the time in Poland wasn't very fun, but it WAS an easy way to get
there and do a little shopping.  Oh well, I guess I'll know better next
time..., Hold on just a minute, the phone just rang...

It was Cheryl, the Express Tour company is giving us complimentary tickets
for another express trip to Poland....

HELP!!!

Ken Hovanes